Speed cleaning tip…

This one comes from http://www.howtocleananything.com

The number one rule for speed cleaning is to have quick and easy access to your tools and supplies. When it’s time to clean, it zaps all of your motivation when you have to hunt for needed supplies. Consider creating a cleaning caddy for different areas of your home. You’ll always have your supplies right where you need them.

I place a mini cleaning kit under each sink so I can touch up washrooms if I have a last minute guest. The mini cleaning kit in the kitchen I have what I need to touch up kitchen counters, tables, doors, walls if I need to do an emergency clean up or if last minute guests show up. I keep a mini dust mop/doodle bug in the closet so I can touch up spills or do a quick spray and wipe of the dirty spots on the floors.

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Movie review : Hall Pass

Oh, how I really wanted to like this movie. I like Jenna Fischer. I like Jason Sudeikis. I like Christina Applegate. I like Owen Wilson. I must like this movie right? Well, not so much.

I’m not going to do a point by point review of the movie. You already know the premise of the movie. A wife gives her husband a no questions asked, one week vacation from marriage, a Hall Pass. The idea could have been turned into a great movie, but instead the Farrelly Brothers bring us a rushed, poorly written variation on old jokes.

The Cast: Owen and Sudeikis are both funny gents, but the pair come across as sad and somewhat pathetic. Not underdogs we can root for, but two guys who can’t seem to cheat on their wives. Hard to get behind that.

Jenna Fischer looks terrible in this film. Who ran that make up department? I’m a bitch, I know, but really. Applegate does a fine job as a woman who winds up cheating on her husband, if that’s your kind of thing.

The good parts: Hmm…. If you like childish sex jokes and full frontal male nudity then this is the movie for you. And before you ask, sorry ladies, the gentleman with the extra large “package” was wearing a prosthetic. But don’t worry, so was the gentleman with the extra small carry on. They were both fake. Another example of the tired, old, lowest common denominator stereotypical humor that Eddie Murphy built a career on (before he got caught with a male prostitute. Kind of proves that old adage about “over compensating”, doesn’t it? Thanks for the laughs Eddie.)

Hall Pass does manage to deliver a couple of big laughs, and hopefully this will be the first of many starring movies roles for Sudeikis, but overall the punch lines simply missed. As one poster on RT said, “The film should be harmless fun yet comes over as seedy and a bit unpleasant.” I couldn’t say it better myself.

The Bad Parts: Where to begin. The acting was about what you would expect. Each member of the cast played to their strength, so there was not a lot of range needed. Fischer played the sad and thoughtful wife, Applegate the undersexed late 30’s vixen. Owen slid into the role of the slightly confused (read: typical movie husband dumb) guy that idealizes being single before eventually realizing he loves his wife, while Sudeikis plays a variation on his “Cleveland Show” character. None of the actors are asked to step outside of their comfort zone and the result is a bland, predictable 90 minutes. Even the cameos by JB Smoove (Curb your Enthusiasm) and Steven Merchant (The original Office, The Ricky Gervais Show) are dull and boring.

This movie will go down as a poorly executed, great idea. It could have been really good, but it just falls flat. I was expecting a sweet, date night movie but instead, I got a 90 minute lesson in why Hollywood stinks to high heaven. The Farrelly Brothers are know for their comedy (Dumb and Dumber), but here their effort is weak. Not much makes sense and the little that does is expected. Really, the married Jenna Fisher gets hit on by a handsome baseball coach and she doesn’t see his flirtation until she almost sleeps with him? Jason Sudeikis begs his wife for forgiveness, even though SHE is the one that cheated on him??? What? Oh, that’s right. He wanted a Hall Pass.

The movie starts our pretty well actually. But about 20 minutes in, you realize that the main premise of the movies has not been introduced yet. That lead to a less then subtle (read: train-wreck) introduction of the concept of a “Hall Pass”. It almost felt like there was a chunk of the movie that was edited out that would have helped advance the story line. Well, at least they saved the “masturbating in the car” gag. Once again, the Brothers Farrelly prove that boobs and penis humor will sell any movie.

I think I’ve made my point clear. I won’t go on. It you want to see this movie, do so with lowered expectations.  I’ll borrow one more line from RT,  “It’s an orgy of crudity that could only appeal to adolescents too young to be admitted”. We said.

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Men: Part 1; Penis Size.

Do I have your attention? If you are like most women, you don’t really know much about the male member. Oh, you might think you do, but the truth is that you likely don’t. That’s because the limited amount of exposure (pardon the pun) we get to “it” is severely limited and grossly misinformed. Most of our knowledge of the male penis is derived from stand up comedy and movies – either porn or pop culture.

Unlike breasts, which are on display nearly 100% of the time, the penis is hidden from sight. Put on a thin cotton T-shirt or a thick winter sweater and your boobs are still visible and their size easy to determine. The penis on the other hand is rarely on display.

Add to that the seemingly never ending list of penis myths and suddenly you’ve got yourself a pretty good little mystery on your hands (is that a pun too?).  Let’s start to break down some penis myths, shall we?

Size & Racial correlation.

Probably the most well known “fact” about the male member is that certain ethnic groups have “larger then average” danglers while other are supposedly “smaller then average”. Let’s stop beating around the bush. Do African Americans have bigger penises that their White or Asian brothers? Well, that depends on who you ask. Most stand up comedians well certainly tell you that this is so. And why not, it’s funny. Like Asian drivers, Mexican work ethic, Canadian hospitality and European blandness, ethnic jokes cause people to laugh. But it’s far from scientific.

So, from a scientific perspective, is it true? Here we have very a clear answer. No. While certain ethnic groups have benefited from this myth, according to countless scientific studies, there is no “real” difference in penis size among race. As a matter of fact, most studies show that there is no correlation between penis size and not only race but height, age (after puberty), hair color, region or hand size. Most of these “facts” seem to have sprung up and stuck for what ever reason.

The real facts:

78% of men of all races fall within .75 inches of each other in terms or penis size. That means that almost 8 out of ten men, regardless of race, have essentially the same size penises. That leave 22% with larger or smaller members. The numbers here get tricky. We’ll divide that remaining 22% into two groups. Group A: Larger then average and Group B: Smaller then average. It’s interesting that while most men – black, white and otherwise – all have about the same size members, the group that contains the larger then average sizes is also divided pretty evenly between whites (this included hispanics for some reason), blacks, and Asians and the group with the smaller than average members is divided fairly evenly again between whites, blacks and asians.

Then there are the top 1%. This group is known as a largest of the large. While keeping in mind that most men are the same size, there are some men with very large members. Of this group White’s and Blacks split the group about 60-40. Asians interestingly make up only a small number of this group. On the opposite end on the ruler, Asians and Whites split pot when it comes to “small” members.

So what does this meean. let’s review.

  • 78% of men – White,Black and Asian – are about the same size. The Average size is “about” 5.25 inches.
  • Of the men that are considered to have larger then average members, White, Black and Asiasn split that group evenly.
  • Of the men that are considered to have Smaller then average members, White, Black and Asians split that group as well.
  • Of the small number of men who have “very large” members, Whites and Blacks lead the way.
  • Of the very small number of men who have “very small” members, White and Asians divide the group.
  • There is another group of men with Micropenis (less then 1 inch), but this group is very, very small (no pun intended) and not considered in this report.

But wait! What about the movies I’ve… I mean my friend… saw.

Many of us have seen some form of pornography in our lives and chances are, you saw a african american with a huge member. Well, they simply don’t make porn with men with small penises. It’s a simple as that. Guess what? The white men in porn have giant members as well. It’s no way to judge.

Even in pop culture there are images that seem to “prove” the myth of the large black penis. The movie “Any Given Sunday”, for example, contains a scene where black athletes are seen nude. This is simply a casting decision. The movie was about rugged athletes, foot ball players. The popular image is not to include “short dicked” men and it should be noted that this man was not fully flaccid (the term for “not erect”)

More recently, the movie “The Hangover” featured an asian actor, naked, with a flaccid penis. He stated that he “puffed” his pubic hair and tried to “keep himself cold” in order to shrink his package on screen – all for comic effect. Now that’s a man dedicated to comedy.

As a nurse and woman of the world, I can tell you unequivocally that no one race has larger penises than another. As much as some people (women included) want to believe, it’s just not true. Sorry.

So where did this myth come from?

Well, no one knows for sure, but the myth seems to be grounded in slave trading. It was used as a form of propaganda during slavery. It was both a way to dehumanize blacks (associate them with animals) and a way to sell slaves (larger penis could equal more black pregnancies, which would lead to more slaves and thus more “property” to own). A terrible practice, not to that mention penis size in no way makes it easier or harder to impregnate someone.

Why do men lie about penis size.

For the same reason women do. To impress people. Cosmo did a survey a few years back that said that 80% of men lied about the size of their members. I would have thought that number was closer to 100%, but whatever. But that was not the most revealing statistic. Nearly 70% or women reported that they lied about how large their partners penis is. This is incredible! Is the pressure to impress our girlfriends that great that we have to lie and pretend out husbands are endowed with 10 inch members? For what, to be alpha queen?

With everyone lying about penis size, it’s no wonder that so many woman don’t know what to expect.

More myths busted next time! I’m Susana Chris.

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Hello world!

Welcome to my new blog. My name is Susana (yes, with one “n”) Chris. I am a lover of many things, but movies and people top the list. I hope you enjoy this blog.

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